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With his princess by his side, the Hollywood warrior rode his steel horse victoriously, the crimson blood of those he conquered sluicing through the spokes of its spinning wheels. The sun-god and his chariot.

He had arrived.

Yup. Tom Cruise and his new fiance Katie Holmes showed up at the War Of The Worlds premiere on Hollywood Blvd. wearing sunglasses and looking as gay as ever, "cruising" down the red carpet on a motorcycle and sharing a kiss that looked about as staged as the one Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson shared in a high-publicity PR stunt a few years back. But by the time of the movie's premiere, everything about this contrived couple had already been over-analyzed, scrutinized and sensationalized by the media that their red carpet arrival was more of a necessary ritual in pomposity than a vainglorious coup d'etat. Perhaps Cruise thinks that he's on top again, that with his hot new girl and summer blockbuster he's got America by the balls - just like the old days. He probably thinks he's in tune with America's youth, too, which is why he keeps showing up everywhere wearing those ridiculous, too-cool-for-school sunglasses, circa 1986.

Of course, there's been much talk of Cruise acting "out of control" lately; brilliant fodder for the television and newspaper tabloids. There was the silly, embarrassing display of his professed love for Katie Holmes on Oprah. There was the excessive romantic overture of the Eiffel Tower proposal. And of course, the psychotic, self-righteousness of his Today Show appearance, in which he famously told host Matt Lauer, "You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do."

But could there be another explanation for this irrational behavior? Is Tom Cruise just a self-absorbed egomaniac, or is there something else we're missing?

Truly, Tom Cruise is the antichrist.

Consider this. The first time I had ever heard of the term "Scientology" was in the mid-90's, when Marilyn Manson said that if Scientology was packaged a little differently, it would be Satanism. HELLO? Cruise is a staunch supporter of Scientology and the Church's most prolific and popular member. He has spoken out in public about the richness and intellectual superiority of Scientological philosophy, and his PR people state that he and Holmes met at a Scientology meeting. This obvious lie demonstrates the power Cruise holds over public perception of the Hollywood elite, thereby strengthening my claim that he is Damien. The power Cruise wields over Hollywood's affairs is impressive - cross him, and suffer the Tom-sequences (remember Brook Shields? Exactly).

Then there's Cruise's Napoleon complex, his psychological need to compensate for his diminutive size. I know what you're thinking: But Cruise's relationship history shows that Mimi Rogers, Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes are all much taller than our little satan, right? Well, history also shows that the evil men of the past - Josef Stalin and Adolf Hitler to name but two - were short. Besides, Cruise's preference for taller women underscores his twisted, perverse mind.

Just as Hitler imposed his tyrannical will on the masses of Eastern Europe, Cruise, at the height (pun intended) of his reign as American idol, imposed his often inferior films on Western culture. While Cruise is no Hitler, let's not forget a little movie called Cocktail.

The overrrated Cruise has succeeded and failed in various projects, but one of his finest performances was in Interview With The Vampire as the blood-thirsty Lestat. Or WAS IT a performance? Maybe Cruise's role opposite up-and-comer Brad Pitt as the Victorian-age vampire was so demonic, so devilishly delightful, because it WASN'T A PERFORMANCE AT ALL.

This can go a long way in explaining the strange irony of why Cruise's bad guy roles are played so convincingly while his life outside of the movies seems to be blatantly scripted. Clearly, as a human being under a social microscopic spotlight he is a bad actor; a man who craves attention, who loves doing the talk-show circuits and who seems as capable of showing his irritability in public as he is in faking sincerity. He is a paradox in the same way a friendly neigbour turns out to be a serial killer. Cruise throws the Hollywood party, but hates all the guests. There can be no doubt that the motley Cruise is a walking double entendre. What do we REALLY know about Hollywood's seemingly most accessible moviestar? Remember, the most effective method of concealment is the broadest publicity.

For years there have been rumours of Cruise being gay. That's a boring and uninteresting concept, because it is too easy. I prefer to think of him as an omnipotent asexual, a fantastical narcissist who lords over the Hollywood Hills wearing his trademark shades and dressed in that gay, too-tight black t-shirt he loves to wear, laughing demonically at the thought that we are once again in his clutches.

Satan has found a new perch.

The storm approaches. The lightning crackles. The days of thunder are here again for the Rain Man. This Hollywood Top Gun has reclaimed his throne, because he possesses all the right moves.

Foiled us again, Tom! You megalomaniac! You evil genius!

You DEVIL!!

© 2004 Aaron Bayley