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The thought of discussing Canadian politics doesn't exactly give me a hard-on. But this past year of corruption, mudslinging, and smear-campaigning, fueled by a culture of entitlement evidenced by the Liberal sponsorship scandal, means that the soap opera events that sensationalized our national politics and resembled the polarizing political atmosphere of the U.S. will reach its zenith in the following days and climax to an orgasmic election result on January 23. Whether or not that is something to get excited about, one thing is for sure - blood pressures are boiling and tensions are rising all across the country.

With Belinda Stronach making politics sexy by leaving the Tories (and her boyfreind, Peter Mackay) for Paul Martin's Liberals, Jack Layton propping up a minority Liberal government with the NDP (and his moustache), and Justice John Gomery presiding over the circus-like affair which was the sponsorship inquiry, Canadian politics has reached new heights of banality, and, paradoxically, urgency, as even the apolitical can't help feel being knocked over the head by political jargon and propaganda, ad nauseum. How often have you heard the words "scandal", "corruption", or "change" over the past year? If you're a fan of the Liberal party, it doesn't look good. If you love politics, then this election is for you, but despite the fact that the Conservative-NDP-Liberal-Bloc bickering makes for great political, pop culture entertainment, the issues involved are serious, and if on January 24th, you wake up to find Stephen Harper Prime Minister of Canada, we could see a very different Canada in the very near future.

Once upon a time, Stephen Harper was just an awkward "politician", the man who joked he did not have the personality to become an accountant, whose whining would have made fellow former Ontario Premier Ernie Eves proud, and who, like the villain in a corny 1960's spy film, has the protagonist in his clutches but somehow manages to fuck up a sure thing. Now, thanks to a party makeover and a gullible Canadian public, and with polls showing the Tories with a comfortable lead, Harper finally looks to be on the verge of sinking his blood-thirsty fangs into the social fabric of Canada and gutting the very services which makes our country great, for the sake of corporate tax relief and cutting the GST. The Conservative Party's official website states the party platform is based on values, values, Harper says, which he believes "matter to all Canadians". Ambiguity never had a better friend. Harper might smile more often, but are Canadians buying it? Apparently, they are.

In simple terms, the Harper agenda mirrors that of the Republican party in America: pro-military, anti-gay, anti-abortion, corporate tax cuts, and slashed social services. Not exactly a turn on. Harper wants to cut the GST from 7% to 5% in five years. Big deal. There are more important things than saving a few tax dollars, like culture and the arts, and social services, both of which the Conservatives are likely to underfund. So, here you have a party which vows to "get tough on crime", while killing the infrastructure needed to ensure that impoverished, marginalized youth receive education and stability - a contradictory and fatally flawed - not to mention irresponsible - policy. And Kyoto? You can forget about that. Harper has already said he'd kill it (along with Canada's environment, apparently). Thus, in Stephen Harper's Canada, it's a trickle-down economy that caters to the rich while ignoring the poor. The fact that Martin's Canada looks suspicously close to Harper's undercscores the fact that in this election more than ever, we are being asked to chose between the lesser of two evils (anyone who really thinks Jack Layton has a chance in hell probably sees a victorious, minority NDP government propped up by the Green party). Politicans are so power-hungry and morally bankrupt that if polls showed that people were planning on voting in favour of which candidate had the best tie, the parties would hire fashion consultants specifically to address the issue.

So before you vote on January 23, ask yourself, "What is more important? Punishing a party who fucked up but whose values and ideas I believe in, or voting for another party for the sake of change, even though I don't believe in that party's values?" So Stephen Harper smiles more. So fucking what? The neo-Conservative, right-wing Christian juggernaut is hurtling along at full speed, and if we don't derail it, our country will end up looking a lot more like the U.S.

Maybe that's fine for you, but it's not for me. Canada shouldn't pander to anyone.

© 2005 Aaron Bayley